Warning: Slight Bitterness

I wonder what it would be like to have a job I love. Is such a thing possible? I wonder. I spend 8 hours a day in this building, and the job makes me feel like a bit like a personless being. I know, I’m only 23, you can’t get the job you love immediately, my life isn’t over, it’s really not so terrible (and really, it’s not terrible), etc.

[Some days I wonder why I stayed in this town, why I thought it would be easier?]

I’ve decided I despise admin work. And everyone thought I would be so good at it. Funny how that happens.

Hair day…

Today I thought about getting my hair chopped off. This is the second day in a row I’ve had my hair up in a bun because 1) it sometimes kind of gets in the way and 2) it takes my hair so long to dry naturally [due to its thickness --there's so darn much of it] that I just pull it back to keep it off my shoulders if I don’t have enough time to dry it at home. The thing is, when I take it out at the end of the day, it is still pretty wet. It’s so thick it keeps itself from drying. Awesome.

What if I lived somewhere where it rained every day and my hair got wet all the time and didn’t really dry? Would it mold? [Sorry, I know that's a gross mental image.]

So anyway… I thought about chopping it off so it’s really short. I think I go through hair phases. I let it grow for a long time, and suddenly –snip– get it cut off. It always grows back though, so if I don’t like it, it’s only temporary.

What Would Your Mind Look Like?

What if people’s minds were like rooms? Each person would have a room, and different people’s minds would have different things in them and would be organized [or not] in their own way.

My mind would probably have lots of charts in it and lists and would organize things by systems. I would have spaces for current projects, where I would attempt to get to the bottom of something. Once I had it mostly figured out [or as figured out as I wanted], I would file the project in a large cabinet with a colorful heading, in case I wanted to pull it out and look at it in the future. There would be a file of large words I don’t use very often but are interesting nonetheless, and one wall would be devoted to art and music. I expect my background music would vary according to mood. At times there would just be some peaceful silence. Some days it would be kind of quiet, but other times someone might be doing an experiment on emotions and there would be some explosions in the middle.

Some people would have post-it notes stuck all over the walls in a haphazard fasion. Other people would have lots of bouncy balls and probably some fun music with only a few boxes off to the side with ideas and serious thoughts in them, to be examined infrequently.

Some people would have lists of their thoughts in piles, with a corkboard above them when they find something else that should be noted. Still others would be a profusion of colors and images, with thoughts in a very non-linear fasion scattered about the room. Many of the the pictures would be representational of things they have in contemplation; their minds just work better with images than words.

Anyway, I think it would be fun if everyone had a room to represent their mind…. If you had a mind room, what would it look like?

Tis the Season

I’ve been to five weddings this summer. I feel like that’s a lot. I suppose I’m at that age; I’ve graduated from college, and early 20’s are when many people get married. It just seems strange to think we’ve come to that point in time….

Five fathers have kissed their daughters’ cheeks and given the bride away, ten people have said “I will” to the minister’s questions, and twenty mothers have wiped away tears as their children start a new life with someone they love.

A marriage ceremony is a pretty serious thing; two people stand up in front of a church full of people and promise to be faithful and committed for life. A wedding is also a big party. Two people have made a happy/ momentous decision and the people they love come to support them and be happy for them. It’s a party and solemn vows and a family reunion and an excuse to dance. [Though I now have lost all faith in dancing with guys at weddings. Don't even get me started there. But this is all beside the point.]

I don’t really know where I’m going with all this. It’s just still a little funny to see my friends being the ones taking the vows, perhaps because I remember them before they met the person they’re now married to, and perhaps because when you’re small it seems that to be “grown up” entails having a particular certainty about life, a certainty I do not possess. Grown-ups seemed to have all the answers, and I don’t seem to have those answers. It’s also, to be honest, a little lonely to see so many dear friends getting married while I stand on the sidelines. Most of my dearest friends from college have gotten engaged in the past year and a half. That is a strange thing.

I suppose I will adjust to it in time. And indeed, I am very happy for all of them, and wouldn’t have it any other way. But when someone gets married, it is a big deal, something not to be taken lightly, and I still marvel at the way God arranges things. It is all very beautiful and complicated, and I’m glad He holds all the threads — I wouldn’t know what the finished picture is supposed to look like.